What happens when the thing you really wanted to happen does, and then you realize you may not have wanted it as much as you think? Whether its a monkey’s paw, or an overly literal genie, or simply a case of not being careful enough of what you wish for, the end result is the same; you find yourself in a position where your dream has become a nightmare. Now to be fair, that’s not where I am. But I am in a place where something I wanted, while not being a literal monkey’s paw, has made my life a bit more difficult.
Let me explain. I recently posted something that has gotten a bit of exposure. If you’re on this blog there is an almost non-zero chance that you are here because of it. That post was picked up by Mike Glyer, and much more importantly was recently linked by Larry Correia. And while I am in some ways ecstatic that I have gotten some exposure for it, and far more so because one of my favorite writers found value in it; it also presents me with a challenge.
You see, I am trying to become a writer. I say “trying” not because I am struggling to get published, or because i am trying to come up with ideas, but because I am trying to WRITE. As in the actual physical act of sitting down at my computer and writing down the ideas I have. It is much harder than I thought it would be. I touched on this in a very early post that I doubt any of you have ever read (mainly because I wrote it back when I was this blog’s only reader) My point is that writing reactions to current events, or even fiskings of particularly pretentious crap is fun; but sitting down to create a new world and its inhabitants is WORK. Really, really hard work.
Currently I have three different books I am in the process of writing, two of which are science fiction and one of which isn’t. I started the writing the first one (tentatively titled “Rednecks and Vampires”) in response to this inspirational post by Sarah. Because I knew both Sarah and Larry had been published by Baen I started posting my work in progress over at Baen’s Bar in the Slush Pile forum. Not too many people paid attention to it, and the one person who consistently did was looking at it from a more editorial perspective. By which I mean she pointed out my atrocious spelling, and my complete lack of understanding of punctuation. Understand, I am not complaining, in fact I thank her her for slogging through my badly written, badly spelled, and idiotically punctuated entries. That was exactly what I needed. But as a result I began to look at my own writing with a more critical eye and found it… lacking.
But I had already started this blog up and as I said, posting my ignorant ass opinions was fun so I kept at it. But because “sitting down at a keyboard and opening up a vein” isn’t nearly so enjoyable I have been posting here, instead of actually WRITING. I guess there was a part of me that thought I was good enough to write a blog that nobody read, but not quite good enough to actually WRITE.
And then this week I got the monkey’s paw. First Mike Glyer’s File770 linked to one of my posts. That was cool. Then just recently, Larry Correia linked to the same post. That was indescribable. A man whose work I respect, both as a fisker and much more importantly as a WRITER had found something of value in what I wrote. Don’t get me wrong, Sarah has “liked” a little bit of what I’ve written, but then Sarah is “Lit-Eessi -Mother of Writers”. The woman does “writer workshops” on her blogs just because.
And now I am faced with the fact that I CAN write stuff folks like, at least some folks. And that removes my final excuse. So now, if I don’t finish my books, if I don’t write down the stories the I have ratting around in my brain like sugar cube fed toddlers it’s not because because they were retarded, misshapen, mutant CHUD’s. Its because I’m not man enough to put myself out there. And what does that make me? At best I’m a Henry Fleming, at worst…..
Fucking monkeys paw’s. No One ever sees them coming.